dedicated to Sha

This was not what I’m suppose write. I’m supposed to write something about fantasy, something about why I took this photo, and I forgot, as usual. I forget almost everything almost every second. I think this is also one of the reasons why I blog, helps me to recall incident easily I guess.
If not mistaken, I think I took this photo early 2007. After my secondary graduation, I went to Penang work for awhile with Sha. The time was short but everything is absolutely memorable, nostalgia….
We had the life like we dream. We worked and traveled together. Like what teenagers do, explore. We didn’t give much attention to everything around us. We just live in our own world. That’s probably sounded sad to everyone. For me, it’s just something that not everyone can experience it.
Who can ever understand every single step and word that is going to fall out? Your soul mate.
Sha knows me more than I know myself. No one can replace you, not even sharing same place with you, sha. Not even nat. I might be going to live the rest of my life with him, dedicating my life to him and my family, but do you know that you’re in my family list too?
Don’t feel jealous about him. If he can take your place, then we wouldn’t have last this long. It’ll be piece of cake for something to ditch you out of my life. And if I were to be like that easy to get rid of you, than Sha, there’s no point for you to treasure our friendship. Of course I’ll be nat nat nat all the time, we just started dating, and even you do that.
Until now I still hope that our time can never end. I can just spend time with you like what we did when we’re in high school. I have fun times every time I’m with you. Even when we got nothing to talk about, I enjoy your silent company, which makes me feel comfortable.
Did I tell you that I feel comfortable with you in anytime, anywhere?

15th september

Lantern festival just passed. It’s my second year not celebrating with sha but I get to celebrate with joan.

On lantern festival night, I invited few of my friends to join me on my lantern eve. We chill, it was kinda cool. We chatted and have fun gossiping about people. I still don’t know what they think about my salad and certainly don’t want to know. I can’t take the fact that my salad taste like rabbit eating carrot. Like I always do, eat nutritious food. Even V said that he feel nauseous when he see what I brought to school for recess, he said I’m a grandma.

Anyway, even though I didn’t get the chance to celebrate with sha, I still have Joan and V. it wasn’t so bad after all. Hope can hang out more often and boost about something…..

i loved hualian

As I step into my former school, I felt anxiety, happiness. I left my school for two years. The name board is well maintained, there’s renovation for buildings. They look new and fine from the gate I stood.
Suddenly there was a striking seen and still is striking, the plants!! There’s bonsai everywhere! It used to be simply yet elegant and clean, there were only trees and totally short grass but not bold land, in every single compound and every one of them are kept in order. It was used to be fine in every sense. But everything changed now; they simply stuff every alive plant as many as possible. There’s tree here, flower there, leaf everywhere and grass like messy hair. It’s like the school is lack of oxygen and someone must have suffocated from it and complained about it, that’s why they are turning the school into jungle. Or maybe the authorities think its better air, better knowledge? But whoever comes up with the idea of turning simple designed school into jungle theme park, well, curse YOU! YOU CREATIVITY-IMPAIRRED-HUMAN!!
There are even pots with cement to stick the flag in it. The pots are brown with grey cement and it a combination of dirty color. They arranged it all along the side of the road where teacher used to park cars there. Even the cars look nicer than those dirty-potted-flag. It’s an irrespective master piece; it looks like they can’t afford anything nicer, so they simply stick it into a bloody pot with cement. It’s a disgrace to Malaysia flag! What’s the point of putting the flag up to celebrate International Day when you’re humiliating your own country’s flag? I’m confused.
I can’t stand anymore, the longer I stay, the chances of me getting vision impaired, losing hair and permanent-disable-voice-box is pretty much high. So, I leave my loved school as soon as I grab my SPM cert, I ran, and ran for the sake of my life for I don’t want to get infected.

I went to Maxwell few month ago, took some photo and I decided to share my feelings.
I like taking photos. Not that into human but mother nature. There are so many photos I tool but so little I kept. Anyway, Maxwell hill is a boring place, no entertainment, just Mother Nature but you can get loads of fresh air there. No one can ever die of suffocation there. Beauty ….

opss 17th august 2008

i was so thrilled with the installation that i forgot to write it down.
now, i'm going to complete it.

it was not a grand ball neither dinner. but i was enough for me.
i did not expect much cause this is just a small town. on that day, i was really anxious. it's our first and official date. don't wanna ruin. i get my best cheap dress, cheap as in cheap-cheap. luckily i did not realize about it until my friend ask about my outfit cause if i did, i would not have walk so proud and confident.

anyway, nat arrived in his best suit just not complete cause he was in a rush. he took me and my friend to the dinner.
that night was brilliant, romantic in my own way.
everything just went with the flow, it was nice, until now, it's still fresh in my mind. can't really write much about it in this blog or anything, because what i experienced is more than any word can describe. everything just so perfect, like those fairy tales that no one wants an ending for it.

my first cook

today........
i cook for nat!!! first time for a guy.
believe it or not people, i can cook nice food too!!!
nat said it's nice, nice as in N-I-C-E people!!!
it's just a simple dish, salad and and sandwich. nat is just to unhealthy to have something extreme. well, obviously i'm good in taking care people too.....yeah.....

nat even imagine how i cook for him and he's touched and happy. he loves me. yeah, he does.
envy eh? then get yourself one!!!

V

V is a funny friend of mine. he's kinda drama king. you can find every expression on his face, from up to down.

lately, he's having a trouble - a cursed essay.
it's an essay about "what merdeka means to me"
well, he was thrilled and over wise of writing this essay. everything is true about his life, he got everything he wants. he wrote about almost everything, including me.
after he passed up his essay, everything seems to be freaky.
he first wrote about his computer, and his computer were knocked down, even though V treats his pc really well, as in hugging and kissing. obviously, his pc does not appreciate his owner's good deed. and it just shut down. it was freaky. V almost gone out his mind.
next, his motorbike.

last saturday, he was riding and fantasing and i surely don't want to know what's on his mind. so, he was taken away by his mind, and 'bang', he hit a motorbike in front of him. it was not a serious accident, just that V was riding slow anyway. but his kinda hurt his bike. it'll be fine.
but V don't think the same, he was freaked out. the next on his essay list is his mobile phone and i'm in too. he went to see the teacher to get back his essay just so that he can save his life and everyone around him.

i'm not sure if he gets it or not, just that i know he had coolen down rather than looking like a psycho like that day when he found out about the cursed essay. good for him....

my hometown

Ignorance, selfishness – are these just human nature?
Blinded by substance and force the abundant Mother Nature to give in, everything.
Animals’ habitat, greens and fertilized land are vanishing.
This little fellow used to have a home called jungle and so he thought it's a safe place.


It's no more a hiding place, habitat for the next generation.
Human ruined it, i, human, ruined it. greedy, crave for money, material. this is a disaster that can not be fixed.
this creature is now homeless, watching it's own home vanishes from it's eyes. it's helpless and no one give a fuck to help him.

nice mall people?
but do you know how much lives have sacrificed for this land? just because we want some entertainment, classy live style.

we human are just so sad. creating happiness by putting grievances on the other innocent creature. human are pathetic, i'm pathetic.

that's not the true

I was talking how sidekick I am, and I found out that I have my own fan club and I don’t even know I have one. It’s like everyone is talking about me and I’m like “huh, who are they?”
It seems that everyone knows about emma, everyone will be like “oh, emma…..”, “yaya, emma from bm class”, “hey, you know…..emma…?”
I mean I don’t even know their names neither existence. I’m starting to think “is it just me that never notice people and think that no one notices me too” and it’s freaky. I don’t want to get popular anymore. They are stalking my life, stalkers, nerds, and freak-o!
They are so weird that they think what I’m wearing is cool, I mean sexy –yeah but cool??? I totally forgot what V told me about my style, I guess it’s because it’s a soft language that makes it sounds better. I just simply grab a cloth; I don’t even consider it a clothes and wear. But these stalkers are like saying that it’s nice. It’s obviously that they have problem with the creativity part. I’m sorry fan club but it’s just wrong.
They even know who I’m dating and where he’s from and where I come from or where I used to study. They know more than my friends know about me. A minute I was craving for popularity and a minute after, it’s just totally wrong. And it’s just a tip or iceberg, how can those celebrities live like this, with stalkers everywhere. I can’t even take it when people are like knowing me and all I can say is “huh”, “who”, where”, “why” and the famous emma quote “ I don’t know”. that’s sad… this is just wrong
I should have just pay attention on people other complaining my life. I’m a jerk. Screw you, emma! Huh, I’m confused. Why am I even scolding myself?