cool

i just found out that there's actually people viewing my blog. gosh, i just blog for the sake of blogging it. not for viewers. i think it's those people that i force them to view. but after that, they will be like asking me about what i wrote, and i totally forgot it and i need to read it again to recall the whole incident and sometimes i even forget what that story was about... i'm like so pathetic, forcing people to view my life, it's like the only way for people to know me and get higher popularity, i'm such a junk.
even my title is like "cool" as in COOL but what my article is like so not cool. i just wrote the name "cool" for the sake of attention and i'm not even getting one. and now i have to like send my blog's link to everyone, so that they can know my existence.
even nat's life is like, anywhere and anytime, people will be like "nat, sup man?", "hey nat, long time no see", "nat, dude" and nat and nat and nat. and i'll be the NAT"S sidekick.i'm nothing! my life sucks, i'm already getting vision of things that is going to ruin my life, under ground life surrounding, with my parents beating me up when they get frusty and my sister is putting her pregnant temper on me. it's like i'm blame for everything from top to bottom. i mean it's like my parents who can't get enough money, not me, i mean if you can't plan your life with a family, so what's the point of having one? i mean don't let it go on me, it's just you guys who can't afford it. maybe you guys could have just think about it before getting marry. this isn't healthy for me, for my future, my life, attitude, everything.
i'm like so frutsty that i let it go on nat, and nat is like " emma, can you like... just be a lil nice to everyone?" My surrounding, my life, my culture is going to ruin my life. and i'll be fucking the title of "pemimpin negara masa depan" off like biggggggg time. nat said that in 100% , i'm like 60% close to go "happy park". i have mental illness. i'm psychic and crazy. that's just not normal. my life is freaky, i see thing everytime i see people and it's driving me crazy. this might sound a lil too far but trust me, you don't wanna know neither trying it out. i'm effecting nat big time, he get frusty all the time seeing me getting desperate to run away from home. my life sucks and i'm going to make other people's like sucks too. i'm good nothing.
nat even sees four season in my temperament. you can actually know how much my life is effecting my attitude and behavior. i'm crazy.
i'm bloggin about my fucked up life and i'm still alive.
i don't mean i want to die, i just wanna crap. it's so frusty, getting calls and orders from my parents 16 hours and the rest is for me to sleep. well, at least i get to sleep.
this is my life, it's a live zombie's life. believe it or not? ^o)