cool

i just found out that there's actually people viewing my blog. gosh, i just blog for the sake of blogging it. not for viewers. i think it's those people that i force them to view. but after that, they will be like asking me about what i wrote, and i totally forgot it and i need to read it again to recall the whole incident and sometimes i even forget what that story was about... i'm like so pathetic, forcing people to view my life, it's like the only way for people to know me and get higher popularity, i'm such a junk.
even my title is like "cool" as in COOL but what my article is like so not cool. i just wrote the name "cool" for the sake of attention and i'm not even getting one. and now i have to like send my blog's link to everyone, so that they can know my existence.
even nat's life is like, anywhere and anytime, people will be like "nat, sup man?", "hey nat, long time no see", "nat, dude" and nat and nat and nat. and i'll be the NAT"S sidekick.i'm nothing! my life sucks, i'm already getting vision of things that is going to ruin my life, under ground life surrounding, with my parents beating me up when they get frusty and my sister is putting her pregnant temper on me. it's like i'm blame for everything from top to bottom. i mean it's like my parents who can't get enough money, not me, i mean if you can't plan your life with a family, so what's the point of having one? i mean don't let it go on me, it's just you guys who can't afford it. maybe you guys could have just think about it before getting marry. this isn't healthy for me, for my future, my life, attitude, everything.
i'm like so frutsty that i let it go on nat, and nat is like " emma, can you like... just be a lil nice to everyone?" My surrounding, my life, my culture is going to ruin my life. and i'll be fucking the title of "pemimpin negara masa depan" off like biggggggg time. nat said that in 100% , i'm like 60% close to go "happy park". i have mental illness. i'm psychic and crazy. that's just not normal. my life is freaky, i see thing everytime i see people and it's driving me crazy. this might sound a lil too far but trust me, you don't wanna know neither trying it out. i'm effecting nat big time, he get frusty all the time seeing me getting desperate to run away from home. my life sucks and i'm going to make other people's like sucks too. i'm good nothing.
nat even sees four season in my temperament. you can actually know how much my life is effecting my attitude and behavior. i'm crazy.
i'm bloggin about my fucked up life and i'm still alive.
i don't mean i want to die, i just wanna crap. it's so frusty, getting calls and orders from my parents 16 hours and the rest is for me to sleep. well, at least i get to sleep.
this is my life, it's a live zombie's life. believe it or not? ^o)

marriage-freaky or happy?

Can one stay with just one partner after all these year of swinging around?
Can’t be deny that sticking to one is not a wise move but until when is one going to swing around? Fucking around? Everyone needs to settle down, and that is just my perspective.
The process of finding Mr. Right is not easy and still it’s too early for me to settle down. Is it just faith or it’s just me that think it’s still not my time? Superstitious versus logical. This might sound a little too far away, childish, day-dream, fairy tales, no idea what am I talking….
But do people really live happily ever after? I see people get marry in a young age on their will not because of MBA (marry because accident), young as in 18, 19, as soon as they finished secondary. 18 year old teenage girl marry 35 year old man, it’s 17 years older. What on earth, he can becomes my father already. And the weird thing is, parents actually agree. Maybe they’ve seen them and guess the man is fine after all. Anyway, this has proven that love is totally-freaken-absolutely blind. Good lord…
I on the other hand, am not meant for young age marriage, and that’s why my friends told me, even sha is saying the same thing! Maybe I’ve really found someone I love and we can stay forever! But they assure me that I am not mature enough to get marry now. It is my attitude, they said. Ok, so if it’s my attitude, what about my partner? Don’t you guys think that he’s mature enough to marry me?
Gosh, what the hell am I talking? I never want to get marry at young age; I can’t even stick with one for more than a 3 month. And nat is telling me that we’re going to get marry! I want to date him but not marry??!! Marriage is freaky! (for me) what if I get marry and become those woman that I’ve always tell myself not to become one of them?! Bargain for grocery, screaming and shouting over my kids, trying to fit something that is not my size, fashion disaster, etc… nooo!!!!! I’m not gonna be like that, there goes my life…. Sigh, the point is, I’m just too young to settle down….. nat….

difference

Why do some girls act as if they hate sex when it’s so obvious that they are not and they are totally not a virgin? They tell everyone that they are virgin or maybe let people know that they are very inscient.
Friends told me that it’s because these girls don’t want to let guys think they are bitches or sluts or so it was said. The more you hide the worst things will get to, this is what I learned. We don’t need to act as if we’re open minded or hide it, if one can’t take that we’re not a virgin, then just let it be.
This is what I faced in my hometown, people have their own thought. They can not take the fact that someone has sex before marry. This is what my friend experience, where she got caught red handed making out with someone and now, her mum think that she’s disgrace and good for nothing daughter. This thing could have just talked out if parents can accept the fact. But certainly parents couldn’t have take it, so my friend felt so bad with her mum torturing her mentally that it leads her to suicide temptation. What should she do? Nothing and wait to get torture…… Why can’t parents accept the fact that their daughters are not a virgin?
But why it seems fine when they found out that their son are having sex with girls?