my so called first love

My first lust was a mess..
It's been more than one year, and, i don't think that i'm over with it yet. Sometimes i still wonder how he felt, for me of course.
We'd been part a few times, and, i think this times hurts the most. When he told me that he was going away for job, i was already kinda disapointed. But i still have that will to date him.
At first, everything was still fine with smses and calls, but then, one day when we were chatting, in a sudden, he asked me to consider our situation. I mean, what kind'of situation are we in?!
Then, there came the 'i think we're not for each other' word.
Boom! That's it.
We use to be so sweet with all those frank conversation. He'd always been so comfy to me. And I loved his companion, not because he's my guy, it's because....i loved to see him with his charming smile,
attitude
care
and mostly,
the way he talks.
He's been so understanding and matured to me. He leads me-in 'anywhere' and 'how'.
He taught in- anything.
I was so silly, that sometimes i dream i was gonna marry him.
I love looking at him every morning i wakes up.
I miss looking at him slept tight.
and now i'm so over with him
accept his sexy appeal is still bugging my sex life... ToT