Wednesday, July 2, 2008

i'm fine and always am

This is my first time of writing my own blog when I’m down. Why is that?

Well before this, I choose to not talk about my sadness or things that trouble me the most because I was hoping that it’ll eventually fade away. So, no bringing up incident or talk is allowed between me and people around me. Sha hate when I do that because she knows that there something troubling me but insist to tell her next time when I’m feeling better and not feeling sensitive about, in the end, I never tell her – I forgot.

Those problem never fade away, instead it become worst; well I just found out about it lately. I should have just talk about it rather than ask myself to hold the tears all the time. But it’s all too late, Sha is not here anymore, the one who understand me the most. I can just talk to anyone I like but then, the feeling, just isn’t right. Sha don’t need explanations that’s why I love her so much, there’s not buggy questions or buggy consoles. I think I just like the way she’s ignoring after I told her, and remembering what I said. Still, I want to keep myself not to weep in front of people. Maybe it’s because of my egoism or I just want to stay optimistic. I like keeping my image, and I think it’s not a good thing. Sometimes can get tired trying all my best to keep my image.

I really can’t stand those problems anymore, just so devastating. Now I understand why some people choose to suicide when they can’t face the problem anymore. Because sometimes, not everything can be talk out, it needs a lot of courage. Even if you have the courage to talk it out, doesn’t mean the problem can be sort out, it might get even worst.

I did the talking thing and I thought that’s it, that’s the end of my problem, instead it make everything become worst.

It’s not like I didn’t make an effort to solve the problem. Well, let’s just say an argument can not be occurred with just one party, it needs two sides. It seems that no matter how much I tried to make everything look less serious, it’s useless; agreement can only be achieved by more than one party.

I like looking happy to everyone, why would I want to be sad when I can be happy. So run away from the problem and stay happy.